


"Fuck, Matt"

by Sarasvati1920



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Broken Bones, Foggy Nelson Is a Good Bro, Hurt/Comfort, Matt Murdock & Foggy Nelson Friendship, Matt Murdock Angst, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Overstimulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:18:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13509975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarasvati1920/pseuds/Sarasvati1920
Summary: A Matt whump. I wanted to explore what it's like for Matt when he can't control the flood of information. Matt breaks his arm and it triggers an overstimulation episode. Foggy Nelson is by his side.I don't own any of these characters (although I wish I did;)





	"Fuck, Matt"

“Fuck matt, your arm.”

  
Matt started to sway a little.

“Whoa Buddy,” Foggy grabbed Matt around the waist and lowered him to the bed.

“Okay Matty just sit here.”

Matt could hear Foggy calling someone. “Okay, ya, I’ll get us a cab now. Ya, that’s a good story...blind guy and stairs. Ok see you soon.”  Suddenly Foggy was crouched on the floor in front of him, Matt realized he was putting his sneakers on  
for him. “Okay Matty I’ve got a cab downstairs, let’s go”.

  
“Go? Foggy? Where the hell am I….”

  
“We are going dancing…where the do you think we are going? To the hospital” Foggy said, half  
laughing.

  
“No. No. I’m not going to...”

  
“Matty I know. I do. Buddy you know I understand. But you HAVE to go to the hospital. You have a  
broken bone, you need xrays, a cast, pain medication. This is non-negotiable. But I promise we will get  
you in and out as quickly as possible. Claire is waiting for us. I’ll be right there with you.”

  
Matt let out a sigh and shook his head. Foggy led him down the stairs and into the waiting cab.  
Claire met them at the ER reception desk. She had a room waiting for him. Matt seemed to be doing  
okay so far. He was quiet and as they waited for the xray results. Foggy tried to make small talk. Matt  
barely responded. He had refused all pain meds stronger than ibuprofen.  
Foggy finally sat down in a vinyl chair beside Matt’s bed. Both men were quiet but Foggy noticed Matt’s  
right hand was trembling  slightly. Foggy placed his hand over Matt’s. “It’s okay Matty” Foggy whispered.  
“I’m right here, you’ll be out of here before you know it.”

  
Just then Dr. Carson walked in followed by Claire. “Well, Mr. Murdoch you have broken your radius and  
ulna. You will need surgery to properly set the bones but there is too much swelling at the moment.  
We are going to cast it and send you home. Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday.”

  
“okay” Matt said. Both he and Foggy had already assumed this would be the course of action.

Foggy spoke for him, “how soon can we get out of here?” He looked directly at Claire, trying to convey a ‘we  
need to get him out of here now’ look.

  
“We can do this right now , let’s just get you some pain meds and a sedative Mr. Murdoch.”

  
“No. No thank you Dr., I don’t like to be out of it.” Matt clearly replied.

  
“Matt”, Foggy interrupted, “maybe in this case it would be ok”. He was referring more to Matt’s anxiety more  
than to his pain.

“No Foggy, I just want to get this done” .

“Okay”, stated Dr. Carson. Claire moved a mayo stand closer to the bed. She propped up Matt’s arm on  
some pillows. Together her and Dr Carson manipulated and wrapped Matt’s arm from his elbow down  
to his fingers. Matt didn’t say a word; he simply breathed through his mouth and squeezed his eyes  
closed.

  
“Alright, you certainly are the toughest patient I’ve seen in a while Mr. Murdoch. I’ll get your discharge  
papers together.”

Dr. Carson left the room and Matt’s right hand immediately started trembling, his  
breath was quick and shallow. His eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip.

“Oh shit Matty, it’s okay, it’s okay. Here.” Foggy removed the blanket from Matt’s legs and Matt immediately pulled his  
knees up. He wrapped his good arm around his knees and lowered his head. Foggy sat down on the bed  
and put his hand on the back of Matt’s neck.

“It’s okay Buddy, you’re almost done. Just try to listen to  
me okay? Remember that time in college when I thought CK one was the shit but every time you were  
near me you sneezed like crazy. The girls next door called us stinky and sneezy…remember that? Foggy  
laughed nervously.

  
Claire wasn’t exactly sure what was going on but she knew Matt needed to get out of here. “I’m going to go expedite this process”.

Foggy turned to her, his eyes on the edge of tears. ‘Thanks Claire” he said, his tone happier than his face conveyed.

Foggy returned his attention to his friend, who was slowly becoming more and more anxious. Foggy  
hated to see Matt like this. It didn’t happen very often, but it almost always did when hospitals were  
involved. Foggy spent the next 30 minutes talking nonstop. Trying to connect Matt to him, to this room,  
to where it was safe. As Foggy was reminding Matt of the time they went sledding on lunch trays…Claire  
walked in.

“Okay boys, you’re sprung.” She walked over to stand near Matt, “you just have to sign these Matt” she  
whispered.

Matt lifted his head. Tears were silently streaking down his face. “ok Matt here” she placed a pen in his hand and guided it to the spot to sign. “Okay there is a cab waiting for you. I’ll fill your script and drop it by in and hour when my shift is over.”

  
Matt’s breathing quickened, it sounded like he had just run marathon.

“Matt?” Claire was getting worried. She had never seen him so out of sorts, even the multiple times she had seen him near death.

  
“We just need to get him out of here Claire”, Foggy said.

  
“Come on Buddy”, he guided Matt off the bed. Claire nodded at Foggy and watched them leave the  
room.

  
Matt had a vice grip on Foggy’s elbow. “There’s our ride, “Foggy said cheerfully as they slid into the  
back of the cab.

  
“Uh alright there buddy? No puking in the cab” the cabby uttered

  
“He’s fine. Just drive.” Replied Foggy

  
Matt put his head down with the palm of his right hand on his forehead. Foggy put his hand on Matt’s  
back.

“Alright Matty , alright” he whispered. Try to focus on my hand okay”. Foggy started to move his hand in small circles. To comfort Matt but also as a focal point and distraction from the rush of other stimuli he was getting. Foggy had always imagined how awful these episodes must be for Matt but now knowing about Matt’s super hero senses he couldn’t even comprehend what this must be like. The thought made his throat catch.

“Matty...I’m right here...it’s ok”

With that Matt let out a sob “I just want it all to st...stop”, he stammered.

  
“I know. I know buddy” Foggy said quietly, still rubbing circles on Matt’s back.

  
The cab stopped in front of Matt’s building. Foggy paid with his card and went around to open Matt’s  
door. At first Matt didn’t move, he was sobbing into the crook of his elbow.

“We’re here Matty, come on.” He placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder.

“I c...can’t move” Matt said shakily

“Ya you can. You can Matt.” Foggy pulled gently on his shoulder and Matt was able to get out of the  
cab. They waked slowly up the stairs

“there’s just so much Foggy”

  
“I know buddy. I can’t even imagine. But you will get through this just like you have before. You’ll get  
control again”.

  
Foggy led Matt to his room. Matt laid down. The silk sheets were a relief and part of him could breathe  
again. Foggy removed Matt’s shoes and suddenly left the room.

“F… Foggy?” Matt said panicked.

“I’m right here, there was a paper in the hall I wanted do grab. Lay back.” And Matt knew what Foggy was up  
to. Just like in school Foggy read the paper to Matt until the world with all of its noise faded.  
20 Minutes later Foggy headed to the kitchen and got a beer, just then Claire came in.

“Hey, how’s our friend?” she asked.

  
“Asleep...you want?” Foggy asked and tilted his beer “and I was just about to order some food.”

  
“Ok sure, I’ve got his meds. I know he probably won’t take the pain meds but the antibiotics he needs to  
take.”

  
Claire sat down at the table, after Foggy ordered them some Indian food he joined her.

  
“So?” said Claire

  
“So” said Foggy.

  
“What the hell WAS that.” She said

  
Foggy sighed and took a swig of his beer.

“That? That was what happens to Matt at hospitals and sometimes in other situations. He gets completely overstimulated by the sounds, smells, tastes,sensations of the world around him, especially when there is so much going on. In college it would  
sometimes happen at protests, pep rallies, fire drills...things like that. With hospitals it’s different. The  
sounds and smells of sadness, sickness, and death it’s overwhelming for him, combined with the fact  
that it reminds him of waking up after his accident. It is actually common for non-sighted people to  
have these sensory overload episodes, I read about it after the first time it happened. I just didn’t  
realize at that time that for Matt it’s like a million times worse.”

  
“I’ve seen several patients like that, I guess I figured Matt was different. So how do you…we help?”

  
“Well it helps him to be in a comfortable place, like home. If he can sit on the floor with his knees drawn  
up that seems to help. Matt once told me when he first went to the orphanage he would cry. He was  
terrified and missing his dad and he would sit on the floor with face tucked into his knees; he tried to be  
quiet so the other kids would hear. They picked on him because he was blind and if they caught him  
crying it would only get worse. I think it’s just a coping technique that works for him. I usually try to  
distract him or I get him to focus on me by talking or reading to him, that’s what I did tonight.”

  
Claire didn’t say a word but tears slid down her face.

  
Foggy closed his eyes slowly and then said “the way that Matt is, flipping around, taking down ninja’s,  
it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to forget what he has to deal with every day and everything he has had to  
overcome. It’s horribly unfair and yet all that he cares about is helping this city”

  
Claire reached out and grabbed Foggys hand. “he’s so lucky to have you Foggy”

 

“He deserves to be cared for, not that he would ever admit that” Foggy laughed

  
“Don’t I know it”, Claire replied.

*************************************

Matt awoke to a throbbing in his arm, it was so intense that he suddenly felt nauseas. His head pounded from the noise, cars, buzzing of lights, water dripping from the faucet next door, voices. Foggy and Claire. He felt like he was in a thick fog and couldn’t get to them. There was so much in the way. So many sounds and sensations. The breeze from the window moved every hair on his arms and his head…he was aware of everything. He stood up and the nausea rose with him. He stumbled to the trash can by his desk. His stomach heaved and the taste and odor made him even sicker. He cried while he vomited, he couldn’t help it. Everything was overwhelming…he needed it to stop.

Just then he felt hand on his back, “alright Matt”, Claire whispered. “Foggy grab a damp washcloth and  
a dry towel”. Foggy just nodded as he looked down at his friend, the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen clutching a  
small trash can.  Matt sobbed as he spit into the trash.

“Matt talk to me. What’s happening”, Claire asked.

  
“Claire…I can’t” Matt stammered

  
“Matt I spoke with Foggy, I understand and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happens to you. But right now I  
need to know how you are feeling, medically. Is it the pain that’s made you sick?”

  
“The pain...the bones scraping, the sounds and smells are crushing me Claire...I just can’t…it’s like I’m  
lost” he spoke so quietly he was hard to make out

  
Foggy walked in just in time to hear the last part. “You’re not lost Buddy, we’ve got you, okay?” Matt still had his head hanging over the trash.

“I’m going to place a wash cloth on the back of your neck Matt”, and even with the warning Matt flinched. He sat up and scooted to the wall where he rested the back of his head.

“I’m going to get you some water”, Foggy said as he gathered the trash can.

  
Claire took the wash cloth and placed it on his forehead. She grabbed one Matt’s right hand. “Matt you  
need to take some pain meds, being in this state with broken bones, this will be like an endless cycle.  
Let the medication dull this for you, get some rest. You need to.”

  
“She’s right Matt, just check out for a while,” murmured Foggy

“With the medication, it wipes out everything. I’m j… just blind ...really blind”. His lip was quivering and  
a tear ran down his face. Claire was still holding his hand and she rubbed it gently with her thumb.

  
“Matt,” Foggy crouched down next to him, careful not to spill the water in his hand, “ that might be a  
good thing right now, ok. I’ll be right here, the entire time. I promise.”

Foggy placed his hand on Matt’s head “I got you buddy”.

  
“I d…don’t like t...to feel “his stutter was getting more pronounced.

Foggy could tell it was making Claire  
nervous, she probably thought it was some head injury and was making plans for an MRI. He looked at Claire and mouthed “it’s okay”.

In this moment he also realized that he may not know Daredevil but he sure knew Matt Murdoch, he  
may be the only one.

  
“disabled”, Matt stammered. Foggy knew how hard it was for Matt to say that word, because he never  
truly thought of himself that way.

  
“Matt, you are the most capable person I’ve ever known, this is temporary to get you through this. I  
know you are scared and I know that nothing scares you. I know buddy. But please, just get some rest.”  
Foggy tried to be gently but forceful.

  
“Ok”, Matt conceded.

“I’ll get your meds”. Claire placed a gentle kiss on Matt’s fore head and stood up.

  
Matt’s head still rested against the wall and Foggys hand was resting gently on his hair. “You have been  
though worse Matty, you’ll get through this”, he whispered.

  
“ I c...couldn’t without you. Th..th..ank you F..foggy”  
Foggy just lowered his head and took a breath. 

“Here Matt” Claire opened Matt’s hand and placed two pills.

Then Foggy handed him the glass of water. “Alright, let’s get you off the floor. “ They helped Matt to the bed, Foggy sat down next to him and opened the paper. “Okay, so there was a sale at Barneys..20% off”

****************************************************

  
Claire gathered the wash cloth from the floor and smiled as she left the room. She knew that Matt was  
guarded but it was nice to see that he let someone in, even just a little.  Foggy kept reading, through the sales and sports, he tried to avoid the crime section, or any areas that may make Matt feel guilty. Matt rested his hand on Foggys knee, Matt did this when he was overwhelmed, he always had to touch Foggy somehow, like it kept him tethered to the world. His hand  
was tremoring slightly and it broke Foggy’s heart but he kept reading, he tried to sound light hearted. 

20 minutes later Matt was fast asleep, or passed out was more like it. He was even snoring quietly. Foggy squeezed Matt’s hand and got up. He was dying to finish his dinner. Claire was sitting at the table, her hands moving over one of Matt’s braille books.

“ya, I’ve tried, I can’t make any sense of it”, Foggy interrupted.

  
“yeah,” she laughed, “it’s amazing what you can learn when you are forced too.”

“Yup, well he is officially passed out, I don’t think I have ever seen him so relaxed.”

  
“Well, that’s a relief. So I hung around because I wanted to ask you something.”

  
“the stutter.” Foggy said. Not as a question but a statement.

  
“yes, so that’s not new. I don’t need to worry about that?”

  
“Yes, I mean no, you don’t need to worry. He’s had it as long as I’ve known him. When he is really tired, drunk, or overwhelmed it comes out. It is often the first indication of an overstimulation episode. Which is actually kind of helpful, because he often tries to hide when he’s struggling.

  
“Matt? no. He’s an open book” joked Claire.

  
They both laughed.

  
“Has he had it his whole life?” she asked.

  
“Since his mother left. It got worse after the accident but he’s managed to control it.”

  
“Jesus.”

  
“I know,” Foggy sighed

  
Claire sat back and thought, really thought for the first time about Matt’s life. His mother left when he was 6, he grew up with just his boxer dad…stitching him up after fights, an accident which rendered him blind, his father’s death, these over stimulation episodes...and a stammer.

  
“I’m just imagining” she whispered. “A little boy, recently blind, just lost his dad…and he stuttered? I  
mean that it just not real; it’s the stuff of fiction.”

  
“I know, and I guess he didn’t talk when he first went to the orphanage, he was ashamed and scared of  
what the other kids would do. Even without speaking he was beat up for being different.

  
“Shit and he was beat up?” She asked.

  
“Ya, but he didn’t defend himself then. His dad was adamant that he use his brain not his fists. So that  
is what he did. He studied. He got a full scholarship to Columbia…a full fucking scholarship. Do you  
know hard that is to get? And he is smart but shit he works hard. And our professors did not make it  
easy for him. They would forget to get him the audio notes, the bookstore would forget to order his  
books and when they did they were so expensive.  One of our books was $900 in braille. $900 he did not have. So I recorded myself reading it, I through in some on liners of course to make sure he was paying attention. Like federal law F-257 is Matt  
Murdoch is a giant ass hat. I would hear him laugh at 1am sitting in the dark studying.  Like I said before, we forget, us the few people in his life. He makes it easy to forget how much he has been through or how much he struggles. So if a stammer is the only result of his traumatic childhood I think that’s acceptable, I think the fact that he functions as well as he does is a testament to his strength.”

  
“Yes, I agree. It’s good to know this. It hurts but it’s good to know. “ She got up and kissed Foggy on the  
forehead “thanks Foggy. Let me know how he is in the morning.”

  
“Will do, goodnight Claire”

  
Foggy went into check on Matt, still sound asleep. He snagged one of Matt’s spare pillows and a blanket  
from the end of his bed. He settled in on the couch, maybe there was something to these silk sheets, he  
thought to himself as he drifted off.

  
He was awoken by the hum of his cell phone. Karen’s smile lit up his screen.

“Well good morning Mr. Nelson, is anyone planning on coming in today?”

  
“Oh shit! What time is it? He pulled his phone from his ear to see it was 10am. “Oh ya, Karen, I just. We  
just…uh Matt broke his arm yesterday. We spent the most of the day at the hospital”

  
“Oh no” she said, Karen had seen Matt have an episode before and she knew hospitals were a sure fire  
way to bring one on.

  
“How is he?”

  
“Well we convinced him to take a pain killer last night, he wasn’t doing so well, probably the worst I’ve  
ever seen him. So he agreed. He’s been out for hours.” He looked over to seen Matt in the same  
position he left him.

  
“Poor matt, what about his arm?” she asked

  
“It’s in a soft cast now. Surgery on Tuesday.

  
“Surgery? Damn. How is he? That’s going to be rough.”

  
“Yes, Claire is seeing what she can do so he doesn’t have to stay overnight.”

  
“So are you coming in or…”

  
“Well I have some things I can review from here but I do have that lunch meeting. I’m not sure how he  
will be today. I don’t really want..”

  
“I’ll come over. I’ll leave here in 30. Call me and let me know if there are any files you or Matt want me  
to bring over.”

  
“Thank you Karen.” Foggy said gratefully

  
“anything for my guys” And with that she hung up.

  
Karen put her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes. “God dammit Matt”, she sighed.  
She set to work finishing the article she was working on before she headed over to Matt’s.

  
Foggy went to the kitchen, Matt had not eaten at all yesterday. He riffled through his fridge. He knew  
that Matt could only be able to tolerate something bland. Scrambled eggs it is.  
Just as he was about to put some eggs and toast on a plate Matt stumbled out of his bed room.

  
“Foggy?” he sounded sleepy and a little disorientated.

  
“Hey, good morning sunshine. How are you feeling?”

  
“groggy, I can’t really SEE anything, he said making air quotes. “Everything is muted.”

  
“Ya”, Foggy said as he brought two plates to the table.

  
“Based on your day yesterday, isn’t that a good thing?”

  
“I guess”

  
“Yes, it is”, he pulled back a chair and positioned Matt’s hand on the back of it. “Sit.Eat.” said Foggy sternly

  
“What is it?”

  
“Eggs and toast. zero seasoning.”

  
“Thanks,” Matt smiled. It was nice not having to explain every little thing

  
“How’s the arm?”

  
“Ok, not too bad. I’m starting to see the appeal of pain medication.”

  
“Ha!” Foggy almost spit out his eggs. “What have I been telling you for years Murdoch!”

  
Matt smiled and ripped apart his toast. “Maybe I should listen to you more often Foggy.”

  
“Wow…what?! Those are some powerful drugs.. Speaking of, you should take more and you need your  
antibiotics. One of each bud”. Foggy shook the pill containers and put them on the table with a little  
force, so Matt would know where they were.

  
Matt sighed and reached for them.

  
“So” Foggy said. “What are your thoughts about this surgery tomorrow?”

  
“Thoughts?”

  
“Yes, how are you feeling about it?”

  
“Well, I’m not overly excited but I need an arm” he laughed

  
“Matt, you know what I mean. Claire is going to see if she can arrange you to have the first surgery slot  
so it will be less likely that you have to stay overnight.”

“o..ok” Matt stammered.

Foggy just looked at his friend. Matt was ripping the crust of his toast into tiny pieces with his one good hand.  
“hey, you got through yesterday, you’ll get through tomorrow”

  
Ya…it’s just one day.

  
“Yes. Just one day.” Foggy confirmed

  
Karen arrived shortly after. She kissed Matt on the cheek.

“Well at least your face is still intact,” she laughed.

“Yeah yeah...his boyish good looks remain unfettered” Foggy grumbled. Foggy squeezed Matt’s good arm. “I’ll be back by dinner. Call me if he’s being stubborn and unreasonable, ya know like Matt Murdoch,” he said to Karen.

  
Foggy left and Karen and Matt settled on the couch.

“so how are you and don’t say fine”

  
At that moment Matt was stammering “F..fine”

  
They both laughed.

  
“Don’t bs me Murdoch, we’re done with that remember?”

  
“I’m actually ok, yesterday was rough I’m sure Foggy mentioned it.”

  
“Ya, he did”. She reached over and grabbed his hand.

  
“But after having medication forced upon me I feel better in a lot of ways.”

  
“Do you feel worse in others?”

  
“It’s just..I’m blind, like really blind. It’s hard to get a sense of myself in space or to get a reading on  
other people. It’s a little isolating …and” he stopped

  
“And what?”

  
He thought for a moment, bit his lip like he didn’t want to say it.

  
“Matt?”

  
“Terrifying”

  
“Jeez Matt, that’s completely understandable. And it’s temporary.”

  
“That’s what has me thinking, what if it wasn’t . What if part of me didn’t want it to be.” He took a breath “ I stopped wishing for my eyesight back a long time ago.”

  
When he said that, it sent a sharp pain through her heart. Like a small fire. He had only said something  
similar once, when we mentioned he would give anything to see the sky once more. Mostly he seemed  
pretty well adjusted.

  
“but I’ve been thinking what it would be like to not have these extra abilities, like right now. I wouldn’t  
have this need to change things, this drive to help. I could just…i don’t know”

  
“ya know Matt I don’t think that’s true, you are a lawyer. You left Landman and Zack precisely because  
you have a need to help people, it’s almost a compulsion. It is who. you. are. Nothing would change  
that.”

  
“So what would you like to do with this normal day?” she asked

  
He smiled, “let’s go for a walk?”

  
“Really? Won’t it make you nervous to be out this...like this?”

  
“That’s exactly why I want to do it.”

  
She smiled and squeezed his hand. “Matt you infuriate me but you are rather amazing, you know that?”

  
“The infuriating part I totally get”, he laughed.

*****************************************

 

  
Foggy was in a cab on his way to his client meeting.  He started to think about One of the more recent episodes Matt  
had, it was probably about 6 months ago. They had gone to Josie’s after work. It was a particularly loud  
night; there was a group of college kids, a bachelorette party who was bar hoping, and some  
construction workers. It was also raining out, more like down pouring. He could tell Matt was a little off  
that day, staying relatively quiet, keeping to himself, he was actually surprised Matt agreed to come out  
with them. But sometimes Matt lived in denial, like if he just acted like he was fine then he would be  
fine.

Matt had excused himself to go to the restroom, “I’ll b...be right back” he stammered.

After that  
Foggy didn’t take his eyes off of him as he made his way to the rest room. Karen just looked up at  
Foggy, “let’s just keep on eye on him, maybe we can head to his place, put a movie on?”

  
“Sounds good…I’ll settle our tab” said Karen

  
Five minutes later still no Matt. “I’m going to go check on him”. Foggy sighed

  
“Do you want me to come?” Karen asked

  
“No just get a cab? I think the rain will be too much tonight.”

  
“Ok.” 

  
Foggy entered the bathroom, “Matt?” He checked the stalls. No Matt.  
He went out the back door to the alley. “Matt?”

  
He saw the tip of Matt’s white cane on the ground on the other side of the dumpster.  
Matt was sitting on the ground, legs pulled up with his head on his knees.  
“Matty?” Foggy crouched down in front of him and put his hand on his head.

  
“I knew it. I fucking knew it. Jesus Matt, how many times do I need to tell you? Freaking communicate.  
Tell me when you need help. Tell me when things are getting bad. You know I can help”

  
“I know. I’m s…sorry Foggy I just thought..i h..hoped it would get b..better”

  
“Well jeez...how can I even be pissed now..let’s get you home buddy. Karen has a cab waiting.”

  
He helped Matt to his feet, his hands were shaking but he hand a firm grip on Foggys elbow.  
Karen was waiting in the back of the cab. Foggy basically shoved Matt into it and slid in beside him.  
Matt was really shaking now. Matt lowered his head towards his lap but Karen grabbed him and pulled  
him close so his head rested in her lap. She wrapped her arms around him. No one said a word. But  
Matt grabbed onto her jacket for dear life. Foggy squeezed his eyes closed. Wishing that it didn’t have to  
be this way.

  
That night Karen and Foggy stayed with Matt and took turns reading to him. Karen had the first Lord of  
the Rings book with her. They read it until Matt had fallen asleep, hood pulled up over his head, curled  
on his side on his bed with Karen leaning against the wall and Foggy cross legged at the end of the bed.  
If they stopped Matt would whisper “don’t stop” and Karen would run her fingers across his forehead.

“Alright Matt” and they read until the sun came up, until the only voices Matt could hear were theirs  
and he finally fell asleep.

  
Thinking back made Foggy realize that yesterday was actually the worst he had ever seen Matt. Tomorrow would be hard. He tried not to dwell on it when he arrived at the restaurant.

****************************

  
Karen and Matt decided to walk and get lunch. Matt had his cane and Karen positioned herself on his  
left side to protect his arm. With his broken arm and cane he wasn’t really able to hold onto her, she  
knew this made him nervous she so tried to talk constantly.

“Why don’t we sit at the park. I’ll grab us some sandwiches from the kiosk”.

She moved to his right side and took his cane, “here” she said and offered her elbow. She led him over to a bench and put his hand down. “I’ll be right back, just stay here.”

  
The thought made him nervous, but he trusted her. The line was long, and Karen could see Matt from  
where she stood, she could tell he was getting anxious as he was sliding his fingers over each other. She knew it was a common stim with people devoid of a sense but Matt only did it when he was trying to calm himself. Just when she was ready to ditch the line it was her turn.

  
She hurried back over to him with two waters, two turkey sandwiches.

  
“Hey, Here ya go…sorry it took forever.”

  
“It’s ok,” he smiled as he bit into his sandwich.

“Here,” she said as she dabbed the mayo off his shirt.

  
“Eating blind and one handed is harder than it looks,” he laughed.

  
It hurt her heart a little but she laughed too.

  
“I’m proud of you. I mean I’m always proud of you in a grand you actually save lives way. But I’m proud  
of you for facing your personal fears and for being more open with Foggy and I”

  
“Thanks Karen, I really am trying. I think I’ve finally realized that I can’t do this alone. Not only being  
Dare Devil but also being Matt Murdoch.”

  
She smiled and caressed the back of his neck. They finished their meal in silence. Matt was happy just to  
listen to the sounds of the park, birds chirping, children playing, he couldn’t hear heartbeats or sense  
sweat or adrenaline. There was no fear. Just a beautiful day in the park. Part of him didn’t want it to end.

  
That night he took more pain meds and relaxed with Foggy and Karen, they were watching the new  
Ninja Turtles movie with audio description and were laughing hysterically every time it described the  
ninja turtles as large humanoid turtles with ninja skills. The medication dulled his senses but it also  
made him sleepy. He found himself fading, completely comfortable sandwiched between Foggy and Karen.

  
“Hey..hey Matt.” Karen was touching his face. “hey there, sorry to wake you but you need to get ready  
for the surgery tomorrow”

  
He was still half asleep. “You have to take a shower Matt, with the soap.”

  
“Actually, it would probably be easier for him to take a bath” Foggy interjected. “I’ll fill up the tub and  
put the soap in, that way you can hang your arm out.”

  
‘Ok” Matt replied.

  
Karen helped him get his sweatshirt and socks off, he was on his own with the pants. She gently  
wrapped some suran wrap around the cast. “Alright I’ll be back in the morning to come with you guys to  
the hospital, ok?.” She kissed him on the cheek, “get some rest.”

  
The bath wasn’t so bad, in fact he almost fell asleep. Foggy was banging on the door, “so do I need to  
come in there? Cuz I don’t really feel like seeing your ass right now,” Foggy yelled.

  
“I’m good, getting out now”.

  
“Seriously though, ya need help?”

  
“ Uh no..can you just grab me some pants?”

  
Foggy slowly opened the door and waved clean sweatpants around the corner without looking in. Matt  
grabbed them and sat to put them on. It was definitely harder than he thought it would be. Once in the  
bedroom Foggy helped him get his sweatshirt and some socks on.

“ Alright buddy, last dose of medication. I’ll wake you at four.” Foggy said as he shut out the light.

  
“And hey, Matt?”

  
“Ya, Fog”

  
“Let’s try not to worry about things we can’t control, ok. We’ll get through it all together”.

  
“Ok” Matt whispered

************************************  
“Ugh...for the love of …” thump “owwwwwwww” Foggy fell off the couch as he tried to stop the  
blaring alarm on his phone.

  
“Well thanks for the wake up call Foggy” Matt yelled from his room

  
“Oww..yeah yeah I think I bruised my coccix”

  
Matt smiled as he made his way to the bathroom.

  
He heard the jingle of keys in the front door, “good morning boys” Karen said cheerfully.

  
“Ugh...not unless you brought me coffee,” Grumbled Foggy.

  
“What? No, that would have been an evil thing to do to Matt.”

  
“Well this couch was an evil thing to do to me” he groaned.

  
“I’ve got a cab waiting. Let’s do this.”

  
“You are entirely too cheerful and it is entirely too early” Foggy murmured ss he grabbed Matt’s bag.

  
“I’ve got your stuff buddy, just grab your cane.”

Once outside Karen took his cane and guided him to the cab.  
Cabs. She was reminded of their ride home from the hospital last time, and Matt’s episode at Josie’s,  
‘god I hope today goes well’, she thought. Matt seemed to be in an ok frame of mind, the pain meds had really helped.

  
Claire met them at reception. “I spoke with your surgeon, I told him you were really sensitive to hospitals due to your trauma as a kid. He agreed that as long as the surgery goes well we can send you home tonight. Ok?” she rubbed his right shoulder.

“ And for most of it you’ll be pre-meded or knocked out” 

He laughed “ok.”

  
“Ok..i’m headed down to the er but I’ll be up to check in you. Foggy have them page me if you need  
anything.” She kissed Matt on the cheek. “You are a royal pain in my ass Matt Murdoch” she smiled and  
walked away.

  
First the Dr came in to some questions and do a pre exam. “ I spoke with Claire and we will do our  
best to get you home tonight” .

Foggy knew the Dr. thought Matt was some fucked up trauma survivor and maybe in a way that was true but it was enraging somehow. This man thought Matt was weak and that was so far from the truth. Matt didn’t seem to mind. He was used to it. He had once thanked Foggy for not treating him like he was fragile. And although the wounded duck thing was great for  
picking up women he knew that deep down it bothered Matt, people somehow equated blindness with intellectual insuperiority, but all it took was one conversation with Matt to realize you were probably the inferior one.

They placed an IV and gave Matt a sedative before they moved him. He was doing ok and the sedative definitely helped. He was starting to slur his words.

“ I’m soooo lucky” he said in a sing songy voice.

“Matt buddy, lucky is not a word I would use to describe you,” Foggy laughed.

  
“Foggy!” Karen glared at him. She sat on Matt’s bed on one side and Foggy was in a chair on the other.

  
“Why Matt?” Karen said kindly

  
“Because I have you two…I love you..”

  
“Oh jesus,” Foggy said

  
“We love you too Matt”. She bent over to kiss him but he pulled her in for a hug with his right arm.

  
“Well I guess these drugs make him overly affectionate as well”, Karen hugged him back and kissed the  
side of his neck.

  
“We will be here when you wake up”, she said.

Just then the nurses and orderlies came to get him. “Alright Mr Murdoch your ride is here. Let’s get you over to this gurney here.”

  
“He’s blind so just..” Foggy interjected

  
“They know Foggy” karen grabbed his hand lightly. Foggy walked along side the gurney as they  
maneuvered it towards the doors he knew he couldn’t get past.

“see ya in a few buddy” and he patted Matt on the side of his face.

Karen grabbed Foggy’s hand and pulled him towards the waiting room.

Three hours later Dr. Carson appeared.

“Everything went well, I expect him to heal nicely. I would like him to be in recovery for a few hours, we need to make sure he is stable and on his feet. With his disability I need you two to make sure he doesn’t fall and hurt that arm, ok?”

  
“Got it..Thank you Dr. “ replied Karen

  
“You can go see him, he’s in room 415”, Dr Carson called as he walked down the busy corridor.

  
Matt was sleeping soundly; he still had the monitors attached to his chest and a pulse ox connected to his finger. Claire was looking through his chart, she didn’t even look up.

“Surgery went well. He allowed some painkillers post op so he should be comfortable when he wakes up, although I don’t know if it will have the same effect on his senses as the oxy did.”

  
“Will he wake up soon?” Karen asked.

“He should. Just stay close. If they think he is unstable they won’t let him leave tonight,” Claire said.

  
Karen and Foggy nodded and took seats on either side of the bed.

“now we wait” sighed Foggy.

  
Karen held Matt’s right hand, she whispered in his ear. “Foggy and I are here Matt, whatever you wake  
up to....just know we are here.”

********************************

There was something stuck to him, pulling his skin. The smells – bleach, vomit, death. He woke up  
gasping feeling sick to his stomach.

“Matty, Matty!” Foggy was being stern but trying not to yell.

“Matt, you are in the hospital. Surgery on your arm went well but you have to keep your shit together or they  
won’t let you go home.”

  
Matt was gasping for breath. He heard Foggy but he also heard someone crying and telling someone not  
leave them. He heard a child sobbing, a priest praying, monitors buzzing, alarms, flow of oxygen  
through tubing, so much noise, so much pain. And his arm, the pain wasn’t awful but it was throbbing to  
the beat of his heart. Everything seemed to be getting louder and louder. He tried to sit up and bring his knees to his chest but he got dizzy, he could feel Foggy’s arm behind his back.

  
“Karen bring the bed up and get the blankets off his legs”, Foggy instructed.

  
He felt the bed rise up to meet his back and the weight of the blanket removed; it had felt like steel wool  
against his bare legs. He brought his knees up and wrapped his good arm around them. Foggy’s arm  
stayed around his shoulders.

“Matty put your head down and just listen to me ok?” Foggy said calmly 

Karen was now sitting on his bed with her hand on his arm. 

Foggy continued, “I can’t imagine what you are experiencing right now, and I know and you know that the longer you are here the worse it will get. BUT the only way to get out of here is to appear to be reasonably ok”. 

“Fo…Foggy”, Matt exhaled, like it had taken all of his energy just to say his best friend’s name.

  
“I know...i’ve got you, everything is ok...I promise”, Foggy replied.

  
Karen didn’t know what to say, her eyes filled with tears. She suddenly remembered the book in her bag. So she started to read…The Little Prince.

  
Foggy was rubbing Matt’s shoulders. “We’re right here Buddy, just try to focus on Karen’s voice. I know you love listening to her” .

Foggy looked up and smiled at Karen. Her cheeks flushed and she continued reading. After 10 minutes Matt started to relax, Foggy could see his heart rate going back down. Matt lifted his head and placed it back on the pillow. He squeezed his eyelids shut and tears escaped down his cheeks.

  
“You got this Matty” Foggy whispered. Foggy sat to his right and held his hand.

Karen kept reading, she couldn’t look at Matt, If she did she wouldn’t be able to go on.

  
Claire came in as they were on the second reading of The Little Prince. Matt still had his head back and his eyes closed. He was holding onto Foggy’s hand for dear life, she could see bruises forming on Foggy’s hand.

“Alright kids...We hanging in?”

  
“He’s...well…when can we get him out of here?” Foggy said

  
Claire moved to where Foggy was and unthreaded Matt’s fingers. Foggy took a breath and massaged his  
hand. Claire place Matt’s hand over her heart.

“Matt...one more hour and we can get your discharge papers together ok? All of your vitals look good, other than your elevated heart rate.”

  
“How’s your arm? And I need more than “fine””

  
Matt opened his eyes, he stared sightlessly at Claire. “It...It’s throbbing b…but the pain is manageable.  
F...f...feels better than b...b…be,” his breath hitched.

  
“Ok Matt, better than before the surgery?” Claire asked

  
Matt nodded.

  
“Ok, good.” She placed his hand back on the bed. He immediately grabbed at the sheets. It felt like  
grabbing at sand. Foggy placed his hand over Matt’s and Matt relaxed his grip on the sheet.

  
“Ok Matt, one more hour” Karen whispered as she gently rubbed his knee.

  
Somehow Matt managed to fall asleep or to pass out; it was hard for Foggy to tell which. Claire brought  
in his discharge papers. Matt was curled on his right side still holding Foggy’s hand who was now  
positioned in the chair next to the bed. It was surreal to see him his way, vulnerable. Claire tapped  
Foggy on the shoulder with the papers.

“He just has to sign them and you can leave. His follow-up information is all written down, I couldn’t get them to print it in Braille.”

“That’s Ok, I’ll take care of it”, Foggy sighed, always aware of the fact that the world didn’t make accommodations for Matt. Somehow he had taken on that responsibility.

  
“Well Buddy let’s get the hell out of here,” Foggy said in a sing songy voice.

Matt opened his eyes quickly and for a moment he had no clue where he was. Foggy still had his hand.

“Sit up Matt, sign these papers and we can go.”

Karen helped Matt sit up and brought the table over, Foggy positioned Matt’s hand in the right spot.

“Right here Buddy,” Foggy said gently.

  
As they walked slowly down the corridor, Karen to his right and Foggy to his left, he had this  
overwhelming feeling. He couldn’t really describe it, but he imagined that it must be what home felt  
like.


End file.
